


Almost There

by pene



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-02-17
Packaged: 2018-03-13 10:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3378497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pene/pseuds/pene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reaction fic set within 6.07 Transitioning</p><p>
  <i>Kurt’s good at facing the hard things. But sometimes there’s value in waiting.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost There

“All right? I’ll call you,” said Blaine after the Wheel of Musical Fortune, and Kurt watched for a moment as he disappeared down the McKinley hallway.

Blaine’s as good as his word. Of course he’ll call.

*

Kurt’s stretched out on the couch. His dad’s in DC and Carole’s at work so he’s alone. It’s late afternoon. In the slanted light everything in the room looks familiar - the pictures, the scuff marks on the wall, even the newish cushions Carole selected eight months ago with Kurt and Blaine’s long distance input.

He has coffee and sheet music near to hand and a lesson to plan. Yesterday he saw Roderick sitting alone in the cafeteria and Rachel says Jane doesn’t really know anyone in the school yet. It’s no surprise that it’s lonely being the new kids. Kurt knows how huge and daunting and genuinely cruel McKinley High can be. Glee Club can sometimes allay that. So he and Rachel are hunting down great songs of friendship and support. Preferably something that even Kitty and Spencer will agree to sing without rolling their eyes. That’ll take some finding.

The only trouble is, mostly Kurt’s just staring at the ceiling. And trying desperately not to be the person waiting for the phone call from someone he loves and wants back who is at this time happily living with someone else.

The phone rings. Kurt sits up. He takes a breath before he answers.

“Hi Blaine.”

“Hi,” Blaine says. He’s probably home too, sitting in the living room or that rainbow bright bedroom that looks nothing like Blaine but sort of everything like Blaine too. If you squint. Kurt wonders how Blaine would be different if they’d never met. 

“Is this a good time?” Blaine’s voice is light and pleasant. Polite.

It’s this constant push and pull, proximity and distance right now. So Kurt can’t quite tell what’s sitting there behind the shield of Blaine’s good manners. But even when they were together and so resolutely in love they didn’t think about anything beyond the other, Blaine was never easy to read exactly. He’s sincere, of course. So very sincere. But part of that sincerity is about making other people comfortable with him. Kurt isn’t sure he can handle being comfortable right now. He mostly wants to know the truth.

For a fraction of a second Kurt considers putting it on the line and asking if he should stop holding onto the hope he still has, asking Blaine to tell him whether he really feels nothing for him anymore. Or… Kurt doesn’t think that’s quite the question. He knows Blaine feels something. It’s there every time Blaine moves closer, like gravity, seemingly without thought. It’s in all the clear ways he looks at Kurt. The question is what Blaine wants. Whether he wants to be done with feeling any of that. Whether he’d rather it all meant nothing. The question is what Blaine will do.

“Yeah, this is fine,” Kurt says. “I’m glad you called.” Kurt’s good at facing the hard things. But sometimes there’s value in waiting.

Blaine’s voice is softer, less guarded. “Of course I called, Kurt. I told you I would.”

Kurt smiles. “So. This duet.”

“This duet.”

Kurt doesn’t regret pushing things along with the spinning wheel. He could have made things easier, just gone along and sung something incredible with Artie, carefully dressed in an outfit he knew Blaine would admire. He could have spent the party helping Rachel say goodbye to her house and Mercedes watch Sam and hoping to feel Blaine’s eyes on him across the room. But Kurt has his pride. He can give Blaine space, sure. But he would rather not just hope for scraps. 

Still. This is awkward. He could do without this. “It’s hard enough choosing songs for New Directions,” Kurt says eventually.

“I know.” Kurt can hear Blaine’s relieved smile. “The Warblers are really struggling this week. I almost called you for advice.”

“Oh. You should have.”

“Mmm. I worked it out in the end. We pulled something together to perform at the local theater in Westerville. They’re really coming back from their defeat at the Invitationals. I couldn’t be prouder of them.”

Kurt doesn’t have the privilege of being proud of Blaine any more. He still is.

“That sounds incredible,” he says. He doesn’t think he sounds wistful.

“What are you working on over there?” Blaine asks.

“Oh. Some of the kids are new to the school. It’s hard to start at a new place. So we’re assigning a list of songs about friendship.”

“That sounds perfect. You have to tell me what’s on the list. I won’t steal them.” 

Kurt smiles and sits forward. “We’re trying to go with something from this century. So we’ve got Rihanna’s _Umbrella_ and I wanted a little Britney.”

“ _I’ll Be There_ ,” says Blaine.

Kurt can’t not smile. “Exactly. And we’ve been working on some Bruno Mars anyway so we thought we could do _Count on Me_.”

“You’ve got it all worked out,” says Blaine.

“Yeah.” Kurt pauses.

“But-“ Blaine lets it hang in the air. Kurt can almost see Blaine’s eyes on him, concerned and thoughtful.

“Bruno Mars is great but just- it feels a little lightweight when you’ve heard Mercedes Jones sing _I’ll Stand By You_ in memory of your brother.”

There’s silence. There’s just two of them on the phone for a breath. Blaine says, softly, “It really does.”

“Anyway,” says Kurt.

“I- Kurt. I know it must be hard for you being home.” In his mind Kurt sees the two of them, Finn and Blaine, sitting on this very couch. The cushions were different. A lot of things were different. Kurt looks at the ceiling and doesn’t cry.

Blaine says, “I wish I could-” He doesn’t finish. And to be honest, Kurt doesn’t really want to know what Blaine wishes. Not right now.

“I know,” Kurt says.

He knows Blaine cares. But neither of them can take away everything that’s ever going to hurt. They couldn’t even do that when they were together.

“There’s a thing I’ve learned too,” says Blaine slowly. “About closeness. You can’t force it. You can’t force intimacy. Your team is brand new to one another. They have a lot of talent. If Jane or Roderick sang _I’ll Stand By You_ , sure it would be beautiful but it wouldn’t be the same. That’s not because of the choice of song. It’s because everything behind that song came from care and commitment to one another and also to the team. And that was built over time.” He pauses. “You can’t make that kind of love happen.”

“No,” says Kurt. He leans back on the couch with the phone to his ear. 

He knows Blaine is right. He takes a breath. “But sometimes it happens anyway.” If Blaine were in the room this would be too much. One way or another something would break open. “And sometimes it’s already there.”

His heart beats slowly. No one speaks. Then he laughs a little, low. “So basically there’s nothing I can do. Blaine, are you talking me out of my job?”

He imagines Blaine’s wide eyed denial. “No. No no! That’s not what I meant! Song choice is very important. And you and Rachel are doing wonderful work.”

Kurt laughs again. “As are you, Blaine Warbler. Dalton is very lucky.” He knows Blaine, knows Blaine is smiling, pleased. “So. After all that. We still need to choose a song. You were thinking something upbeat?”

“I’m happy to sing anything,” says Blaine. “I don’t even know what you’re listening to these days.”

Kurt doesn’t let himself think about that. “So, there’s this Australian I saw play in New York. She a bit edgy but she has this kind of 80s bubblegum feel. She’s sort of fabulous.”

Blaine says, “Betty Who.”

“Exactly.”

“I love her,” says Blaine. “Oh. We should sing _Somebody Loves You_.”

Kurt closes his eyes but keeps his voice light. “You know, we really should.”


End file.
